Most normal people are genuine and what you see is more or less what you get.
It is the narcissist who shows you what you want to see and who becomes what they figure out you want him/her to be.
Understanding this and being able to recognise the narcissist from a mile away, will restore an ability to trust and to discern.
The kindness you see in normal people is usually quite genuine and can usually be taken at face value. The kindness you see from a narcissist is not genuine and can not be taken at face value.
If you have been stung by a narcissist or had a narcissistic parent you might dismiss the genuine kindness you do see in normal people around you, as something that means nothing and could equally well be either genuine or fake, like it is with the narcissist.
In this way you could end up overlooking kind normal people and feeling more lonely than you need to.
This song starts by explaining the emotional state of the victim, before the victim even meets the narcissist.
I think the idea of this song is, to help the victim resolve their cognitive dissonance and with that to shatter the trauma bond to the abuser. The song is a little intense and shocking, but then so is narcissistic abuse.
This song drives the point home that the narcissist is a deceiver and a liar.If you have been stung by a narcissist or had a narcissistic parent you might dismiss the genuine kindness you do see in normal people around you, as something that means nothing and could equally well be either genuine or fake, like it is with the narcissist.
In this way you could end up overlooking kind normal people and feeling more lonely than you need to.
Cognitive Dissonance and Shattering the Trauma Bond
This song starts by explaining the emotional state of the victim, before the victim even meets the narcissist.
I think the idea of this song is, to help the victim resolve their cognitive dissonance and with that to shatter the trauma bond to the abuser. The song is a little intense and shocking, but then so is narcissistic abuse.
Henry Rollins - "Liar"
The reason everything is going so incredibly well during the idealization phase at the beginning of the "relationship", is because it is not real. It's all fake. The real person is not the superhero they present themselves as, but is full of negativity. Inside this person is seething with negative emotions, such as rage, jealousy, unresolved issues of their own etc.
The cognitive dissonance in the victim occurs, when the victim notices this other side to the person and gets a glimpse of it, when the narcissist is suddenly being surprisingly mean, unfeeling or merciless, or when the narcissist manages to put some very negative feelings into the victim. The victim then has to hold two opposite views of the same person in their head. Both seem correct, but are complete opposites.
The way out of narcissistic abuse is to understand that the superhero version of that person was all part of a con act - one big lie.
During the devalue stage the narcissist doses their negative behaviour to how much the victim will put up with. This is why is is so hard to get out of the abuse at first, because every time the victim has had enough of the conflicting messages and treatment, the narcissist turns the charm back on, just enough to keep the victim in place.
"Turning the charm back on" is also called spoon-feeding "love" or small "emotional highs". The victim got emotionally addicted to the first big emotional high at the beginning of the "relationship" (during the idealization stage) and is then spoon-fed smaller emotional highs during the rest of the duration of the "relationship", to keep the victim in place, where the narcissist wants the victim to be and under the narcissists control.
At some point, having sucked the victim dry, the narcissist discards the victim and seeks a new victim. Leaving the old victim as shattered as possible.
"Got a long list of ex-lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane" -From the song Blanc Space, by Taylor Swift.
"Welcome to the room full of people who have rooms full of people that they loved one day, docked away"- From the song Heathens, by Suicide Squad.
The song Liar is a musical summary of narcissistic or psychopathic abuse,
driving the point home, that the person is a liar and describing how the abuse goes down:
First step (Idealization phase):
The narcissist gains the victims admiration, love and trust, by pretending to be whatever it is the victim is looking for.
Second step (Devalue phase):
The narcissist starts dumping all the narcissists own negativity into the victim.
"Cause all I do is mess you up and lie to you"
The narcissist scapegoats the victim into carrying the narcissists emotional baggage for the narcissist, which means the narcissists puts HIS bad feelings INTO the victim and makes the victim FEEL the narcissists bad feelings and the narcissists traumas.
"I'll turn you into me ! I'll turn you into me!"
The narcissist feels good.
This makes the narcissist feels good and powerful. Someone else has been scapegoated into carrying the narcissists negative emotional baggage for the narcissist.
"I feel good!"
"I don't know why I feel the need to cause you so much pain. Maybe it's something inside of me, maybe it's something I can't explain"
Third step (The Discard):
The narcissist replaces and discards the victim.
A person is only able to do this to another person, if they don't have much or any empathy and if they are able to let themselves off the hook about feeling guilty or responsible. This is done, by creating an alternative reality and ignoring the facts that don't fit in with that reality.
Inner integration - Build Integrity to Build Trust
This video is about rebuilding your trust in yourself and others after narcissistic abuse.
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