What is a Narcissist?
A narcissist (overt or covert) is someone who doesn't care about the feelings of others. A narcissist lacks empathy, is abusive, exploitative, upholds a false grandiose self-image, doesn't put logic and being reasonable or rational first. The narcissist puts themselves, their needs and obtaining narcissistic supply first. Narcissistic supply is attention, applause, other people's positive or negative emotional reactions. A narcissist doesn't know how to be happy. Instead the narcissist's internal reward system is feeling a sense of power.
The Grandiose False Self of The Narcissist
Humorous sketch with Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry- The contrast between the illusion and the reality and the reason for the false self. The next video explains the harsh reality in detail.
The Little Shaman Healing
The Little Shaman Healing
The narcissists pathological shame is the reason for the false self and the reason for the abuse.The humorous sketch above mentions many key elements of narcissistic personality disorder NPD.
The sketch introduces the idea of the false grandiose self-image and gives the explanation that low self esteem is the reason for this. Shame is at the core of this disorder. She is "no longer talking to herself" or in other words, she is not double checking, if these great qualities of hers are based in reality, or if they are fantasy.
She has also stopped "talking to herself", because she thinks her true self is unworthy and not good enough.
She is in truth a very different person and not the false grandios self, which she tries to uphold. She has many negative emotions inside her, which she is hurting other people with: whining aggression, hideous suffocating self pity and she has feelings of entitlement (thinks she's special and great without having to do a single thing to earn it).
She does not want to deal with the reality of these negative emotions or take responsibility for herself and work through her traumas.
The false grandiose self-image is a protection mechanism, which needs to be upheld and fed with narcissistic supply.
From Surviving to Thriving!! - How Narcissists REALLY Feel About Themselves
This video explains the connection between the narcissist's false grandiose self-image, their inner shame and low self esteem and the abuse and suffering a narcissists puts a victim through.Narcissistic abuse - and escaping from it - is about the victims survival battle for what is real and what is true on the one hand and the predators battle to keep the victim in his reality and to get the narcissistic supply that he/she is so desperate for.
Narcissistic Supply Upholds the False Grandiose Self-Image
Inner Integration
Are all narcissists addicts?
Protect yourself, by understanding the big picture of narcissistic abuse.
Emotionless Criticism is the Opposite of Narcissistic Supply
Narcissistic supply upholds the false grandiose self-image.
Emotionless criticism damages the false grandiose self-image.
If the narcissist is low on narcissistic supply, s/he feels depleted or even like s/he is disappearing.
Emotionless (!) criticism is the opposite of narcissistic supply and causes cracks in the narcissists false grandiose self-image. This must be avoided by the narcissist and punished.
Emotionless criticism leads to narcissistic injury and causes narcissistic rage.
Note that criticism delivered with emotion is negative narcissistic supply, because it gives the narcissist attention and a sense of power.
Shame is at The Base of This Disorder
Assc Direct
The power that shame has over a narcissist
Why the narcissist hates to loose
What are the things a narcissist sacrifices to the cruel god, that is their false grandiose self-image?
They sacrifice living in reality. They sacrifice being honest and having good values.
They sacrifice making decisions, that are based on honestly and on looking at what is right or what is wrong.
Instead the decisions are based on what upholds the grandiose self-image and what doesn't.
They put upholding the grandiose false self-image first, like a drug addict puts his drug first.
Narcissists have no compassion.
They sacrifice connections to people who truly care about them, but who aren't helping them uphold their false grandiose self-image.
Anyone who truly cares about the person will start shaking at that false grandiose self-image and that is when the narcissist changes his behaviour from idealising the other person to devaluing him/her.
A narcissist devalues their primary source of supply at some point, sooner or later, even if that source were to praise them hourly, because it's never enough.
They devalue the source for beginning to see through the mask and past the facade.
The Narcissist Wants to Stay in His Fantasy
The Target Wants to be in Reality
This is a very basic incompatibility, that leads to "trouble". It leads to a tug of war about reality.It's very confusing for the target how determined a narcissist is, to hold on to something and insist it is reality, even against all reason and rational arguments. "My mind is made up, don't try to alter it with the facts."
An Interview With Sam Vaknin
On Narcissists and Narcissism (Sam Vaknin on Exist Real in NAVSOS, Worthing UK)
Sam Vaknin, shares his expert knowledge on the topic of narcissism.
Types of Narcissists
According to HG Tudor's classifications of the schools and cadres of narcissism:Types of Narcissists
schools:
lesser narcissist
midrange narcissist
greater narcissist
The lesser is less aware and less smart or cunning at achieving his agenda, but not less of a narcissist.
The greater is more aware of what he is doing, smarter and more cunning at it.
The greater is more capable of controlling his behaviour to achieve his agenda. Only the greater narcissist knows what he is doing and has malign intent, the others don't.
The cadres are like the tools a narcissist uses to be great and special and to hook targets in :
Somatic (using the body e.g. being very good looking, sporty etc.)
Cerebral (using the intellect e.g. achieving very much)
Elite (using both mind and body)
Victim (using neither, instead: pity ploy, guilt)
What the Narcissist Wants and Takes From the Empath
HG Tudor, Knowing the Narcissist
The 5 Wants of the Narcissist
HG Tudor gives valuable insights from the narcissist's point of view.
Assc Direct
What does the narcissist really want from their supply?
What the Empath Hopes for and Doesn't get From the Narcissist
From Surviving to Thriving!! - The Tango Between Narcissist and Empath
Overt and Covert Narcissist
The Little Shaman Healing
The Little Shaman Healing
Narcissistic Recovery Healing for Empaths
Red Flags of Narcissistic Personality Disorder-ed People
The overt narcissist is:
the narcissist who's narcissistic behaviours are obvious.
The covert narcissist is:
the narcissist who's narcissistic behaviours are not so obvious, are very hidden and go under the radar.
The reasons this distinction is important, is because the overt narcissistic behaviour is generally better known and understood in our society, but it is the covert narcissistic behaviours that can get completely overlooked.
Getting negative narcissistic supply from a person means feeling good, satisfied and/or powerful, when the other person is in pain.
In my opinion, it's a bit like taking out anger on an innocent person and not caring it's an innocent person, because it feels so good to relieve the anger. It's a lack of courage to stand up to the original person (probably the parent) who caused all the anger and a lack of fairness, a lack of compassion and a lack of accountability. Abuse in other words.
A narcissist is usually a very jealous and competitive person and wants to put other people lower than where s/he is emotionally or in any other way.
A narcissist is like a one person cult who wants the other person to either be part of it, or to be banned, discredited, isolated, humiliated and destroyed.
You are either a loyal subject bowing down to and worshipping his/her false grandiose self, like s/he does, or you are a "very bad person" who needs to be made to feel punished.
The overt narcissist thinks he is great and the world around him agrees with him and either applauds him/her or fears him/her. The overt narcissist has good and straightforward access to his drug: narcissistic supply.
Few narcissists can get away with being overt all the time. Being a rockstar e.g. would give a narcissist a way to be overt most of the time. This doesn't mean that every rockstar is a narcissist!
This is just meant to be an illustration of a very overt way of being center of attention and admired.
Plenty of narcissistic supply is to be had and it is easily accessible.
Falco
Amadeus
Falco is singing about Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and about how Mozart was the "rockstar" of his day.
The covert narcissist is the more hidden and much less obvious type. Hidden either because it serves him or her better to hide it, or hidden because of external pressures. They may lack the confidence, or the support of the surroundings to get away with being overt. If the situation changes, a narcissists behaviour can change from covert to overt, a narcissist could be overt with one set of people and covert with another.
The covert narcissist, is being more manipulative about obtaining his drug: narcissistic supply. He/she keeps up a good as gold facade that many people in his/her surroundings might fall for. The narcissist is like a one person cult, who propagandises himself and collects a small group of people around him, who admire him and think he is wonderful. These people could never see or believe how abusive the narcissist is to the victim and even the victim takes a long time to realise he/she is being abused. The victim may suffer because of the abuse, but cannot pin point that it is the narcissist who is causing the suffering.
Elvis Presley - Devil in disguise
I like this analogy by Richard Grannon: The covert narcissist is not like the savage worrier coming at you, but more like a doctor, who has come to help you and gets you to remove your armor first and then stabs you, when you are off guard, trusting and least expecting it.
Then the narcissist tells people something slanderous about the victim, like e.g. it was the victim who was attacking them.
It can be extremely traumatising for the victim, to not only be the victim, but to be isolated from support, not believed and blamed as well as enduring the abuse.
Or even worse, to not believe himself or understand himself that he is being abused and to remain stuck in an abusive relationship.
In this way the covert narcissist is worse than the overt narcissist.
How Covert Narcissists Brainwash Their Victims
Clearing Up Some Misconceptions About Narcissism
The Little Shaman Healing
The Narcissist Test
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