Scapegoating
Scapegoating, is putting and keeping someone else in a bad place, because the narcissist needs that person to be there, so that the narcissist can feel a little better.The narcissist wants to put someone else lower than he is, to make himself feel higher.
"Lower" isn't only related to wealth or material success, but includes such valuable things as peace of mind, happiness or joy.
The narcissistic parent scapegoats out of jealously and also because s/he needs to have someone to project his/her own flaws and negative feelings into. The narcissist makes themselves feel better, by turning those negative feelings of jealousy or any other negative feelings he may have, onto and into the other person.
A narcissist wants someone else to live their own childhood trauma for them. All their own bad feelings, insecurities or flaws get projected onto and into the scapegoat child.
Scapegoating aims to take away or to destroy the achievements (or at the very least the enjoyment of them) and to isolate.
"YOU can't have a feeling of success, selfconfidence and happiness, because it makes ME feel bad"
Scapegoating is a kind of repression and slave training, because the needs of the narcissist are much more important and given a much higher priority, than the needs of the child.
Such things can also be systemic within a society - as the TV episode indicates - when the butler dares to step out of his role, he can expect to be punished for it.
In this TV episode of "Upstairs and Downstairs", the scapegoating is very condensed and easy to see, which makes it a good illustration of scapegoating. In this example the scapegoating is happening from one brother to the other.
Upstairs and Downstairs - "Your Obedient Servant"
The narcissistic parent, especially the more covert type does this more subtly, than here in the episode and more spread out over time. The child is subjected to the scapegoating over the years and cannot get away from it. The end result, is a constant sabotage of the child's success, self worth and view of himself/herself.
The child may be trained over time to not even seek succes or to self sabotage.
The scapegoat children of the narcissist are usually the ones who are the truth seekers. The ones who don't subscribe to the narcissists distorted version of what they declare to be "reality".
The narcissist generally has a scapegoat child and a golden child.
Sam Vaknin - Golden Child and Scapegoat Black Sheep: Narcissistic Parent's Projected Splitting
This episode of the 70's TV series Upstairs and Downstairs contrasts Richard (the master of the house) and his brother with Angus (the butler of the house) and his brother. Richard is being scapegoated by his brother.
Angus is proud of his brother and going out of his way to make him happy. He sweeps everything that could be unpleasant for him out of his path and gives him the best time he can, while he is visiting London for 2 days. The prejudices and small mindedness of his brothers wife could easily lead to conflict, which Angus avoids with his act.Richards brother in contrast is jealous and is in a particularly bad mood and does his best to ruin Richards confidence and happiness. He does this by
1. pointing out the negative things in Richards life and highlighting them
2. by putting doubts in Richards mind and stirring up trouble
3. by trying to sabotage and destroy the trusting relationship Richard has with his butler
In the same way the narcissistic parent isolates the scapegoat child from supporting people. Narcissists get very envious of connections and bonds between people and try to destroy those bonds. Partly out of envy and partly to gain power by taking away allies.
Richard sais to his brother:
"You could persuade an angel that the harp he played was out of tune!"
Richard sais at the end: "A man must have his own view of himself...there is dignity in that"This is another way of saying:
Unsubscribe from the narcissists distorted representation of "reality" and listen to and trust your own intuition.
Assc Direct - The Truth About Narcissistic Mothers and Their Daughters
Inner integration - "Self-Sabotage after Narcissistic Abuse"
Inner Integration explains the different forms of self-sabotage and how to change the behaviour. Not trying your best, is also a form of Self-Sabotage !
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