Inner Integration - Relationship Patterns of Narcissistic Abuse: Commentary on "Psychopath Free" by Jackson MacKenzie
Inner Integration - Relationship Patterns of Narcissistic Abuse: Commentary on "Psychopath Free" by Jackson MacKenzie
1. The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse
This cycle of abuse diagram is from the webpage Thrive after abuse, by Dana Morningstar.http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/cycle-of-a-narcissistic-relationship/
Idealize, Devalue, Discard, Hoovering
2. The narcissistic cycle of abuse explained
Assc Direct - The Simulation Value and Love From The Narcissist
Assc Direct describes the abusive cycle and the inevitable pre-programmed dynamics that occur in a relationship with a narcissist.3. The narcissistic sweet and mean cycle within the relationship
This is really the only way a narcissist interacts. It's either idealise or devalue. Sweet and mean. Your good or your bad. Your giving me supply or you aren't.
The narcissist wants power and control over the victims feelings, if s/he is loosing that power and control s/he tries to get it back using the sweet or the mean treatment to achieve this.
Power and control over the victims feelings means being in control of regulating the flow of narcissistic supply.
The narcissist wants power and control over the victims feelings, if s/he is loosing that power and control s/he tries to get it back using the sweet or the mean treatment to achieve this.
Power and control over the victims feelings means being in control of regulating the flow of narcissistic supply.
Inner Integration
Meredith Miller explains that the sweet and the mean treatment IS the abuse. An emotional abuser is not mean all the time, but instead there are phases of the sweet treatment as well as mean treatment.If you hear a person telling you opposite things about how someone is treating them, it is not a sign that they are lying or that the abuser is not that bad. This is very important, because an abused person might not be able to ask for help and turn to someone about the abuse, because they know they will seem to "discredit" themselves when they talk about the good, kind sweet times and then the abusive mean, nasty times. It is not a contradiction, not a lie or an exaggeration, not a passing harmless quarrel or misunderstanding. Emotional abuse consists of the sweet and the mean treatment.
Makes you wonder if you should even try loving someone with 'all your heart' like romance novels push. Don't believe the lie.
ReplyDeleteAlways keep that one place inside yourself where you alone know who you are--all to yourself, at all times. I always thought it was a weakness in my character when I couldn't/wouldn't fully place complete trust in another human being. Now I'm not so sure its a weakness. This last time, it saved my life to know that there was one thing he didn't know about me, that I hid from everyone. ME. The core me. It came roaring out with a vengeance as my final straw, with no regrets or looking back since. Its like I've finally allowed myself to utilize that power I always knew I had living deep inside.
Now I have no problem expressing my opinions, needs, and responding to requests for 'me', such as doing things for other people, otherwise known as 'giving a part of 'myself' away'. It also helps that I know I am in charge of fulfilling my own needs. Self responsibility is such an amazingly healing tool! If anyone requests something of me and they don't give me the time I NEED (not them) to think it over, let alone demanding something of me, I walk away and don't look back--and can't be made to feel guilty or second guessing myself.
What a divine sensation, to take charge of your own destiny. Better late than never. If I died tomorrow, I can finally say I have actually LIVED. Maybe not for long, but dammit! -- I did finally get to choose how I lived! Which is why I have a prized poster on my wall now, of Jesus saying, "It is finished." Why, yes, it is.
Reach for that molten core deep inside that everyone has. Allow your anger to work for you, not against you. Doing so will change your life forever.