(It has english subtitles. During the dance scene in the disco, the music/sound goes off for 1-2 min and then comes back on again.)
This movie can be used to illustrate the effect that narcissistic abuse has on a victim.
The movie shows two versions of the main character:
1. the happy, confident 17 year old version
2. the emotionally abused, unhappy, insecure 28 year old version of the same person. This version of her is managed down, lacks self confidence, is pale and serious.
This gives a direct contrast between what a person would be like, if they were not being emotionally abused and what the same person is like, when they are being emotionally abused.
The movie doesn't show a very accurate or complete picture of the actual narcissistic abuse, as it is more focused on the effect of it and on how the main character responds to it and what she does to heal.
The few typical elements of narcissistic abuse the movie does show are:
1. the withholding, the stringing along, the "carrot on the stick": The narcissist dangles a carrot on the stick in front of the victim and hopes that the victim never realises that the carrot is actually made of plastic. In this way the narc is handing out an IOU note. When a victim finally puts her foot down and demands what has been promised her, the narcissist runs and discards.
2. the narcissist is triangulating the victim with his work
3. the victim gets discarded, when she sets a boundary
4. the victim is denied any success of her own
5. the victim thinks the narcissist is great
6. the narcissist doesn't know how to care about a person
7. there is a one way attachment there
8. the narcissist has a replacement already lined up.
The narcissist in the movie is described by the main characters best friend as having a "self-obsessive disaease".
The Effect of the Narcissistic Abuse on the Victim
The main character starts to alternate between these two versions of herself when she eats the magic chocolate. It is like the cognitive dissonance a victim of narcissistic abuse feels towards the abuser.
The parallel to narcissistic abuse is:
The victim goes emotionally up and down, up and down during the devalue phase. The "ups" are becasue of the spoon-fed emotional highs which the narcissist knows how to manufacture in the victim and which the victim gets emotionally addicted to - like to junk food - and the "downs" are because of the abuse. It's the sweet and mean treatment.
How does she deal with being discarded and humiliated?
Her younger self deals with that situation for her. Her younger self is able to pull off the perfect response, which is to not give a damn and start rebuilding her life.
In return she protects her younger self and sets some boundaries for her in her relationship.
The older self has just gone through 10 years of pleasing the narcissist and giving up everything that was important to her. She teaches her younger self not to do that.
In this way she cures her inner child of her core wound:
her core wound is: feeling lonely and like no one truly cares for her
in an effort to gain approval and someones caring, she slowly lost herself in all the confusion and in the effort of trying to please and make a person -who doesn't know how to truly care and who is emotionally abusive- care for her.
In the idealisation phase the narcissist gives and promises everything the victim is looking for and then slowly withholds it and has the victim chasing it.
She learns, she has to care for herself, stay true to herself, not abandon herself, place her own well being at a higher priority, in order to keep the narcissist out of her life. She gets back in touch with her inner beauty.
movie: 17 again- Chinese edition with english subtitles
Assc Direct - Don't Mistake Re-idealization From a Narcissist For Real Acknowledgement
To fully understand how a narcissist discards, read this page by Thrive after Abuse: "How to get closure after a relationship with a narcissist." http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/closure/. It will give you some helpful information about how a breakup with a narcissist is different to a normal breakup and how to best deal with a breakup with a narcissist.
I've never heard of this movie "17 Again." Thanks for this.
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