Genesis - "In Too Deep"
Listen, you know I love you, but I just can't take this,
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps,
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this,
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep.
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps,
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this,
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep.
Lyrics "IN TOO DEEP", Genesis
In this song the singer has put his finger on the thing that is the absolute deal breaker, when you are experiencing narcissistic abuse:
The deal breaker is, that the narcissist is able to discard a person "as if they were a total stranger". It's the attachment disorder of the narcissist.
The normal person feels a strong attachment to the individual he is in a relationship with.
The normal person has deeper feelings, is IN TOO DEEP compared to the narcissist, who doesn't know how to love.
The normal person has deeper feelings, is IN TOO DEEP compared to the narcissist, who doesn't know how to love.
The narcissist "loves" through his/her ego (i.e. how he benefits from the other person, what the narcissist gets out of the relationship).
The normal person loves with his/her heart (loves the unique qualities of the individual person he is involved with).
This kind of "relationship" really doesn't work for the normal person, because:
1. The normal person has invested much more real feeling, than the narcissist has and the normal person can be seriously hurt by this imbalance and by the narcissists ability to just walk off, because they have not invested as much real feeling into the relationship.
1. The normal person has invested much more real feeling, than the narcissist has and the normal person can be seriously hurt by this imbalance and by the narcissists ability to just walk off, because they have not invested as much real feeling into the relationship.
2. The normal person ends up having his/her love exploited and used against him/her, to the benefit of the narcissist.
3. The normal person loves the narcissist, while the narcissist loves the way the normal person loves them (!)
4. The narcissist uses the normal persons emotions as narcissistic supply ( positive or negative )
3. The normal person loves the narcissist, while the narcissist loves the way the normal person loves them (!)
4. The narcissist uses the normal persons emotions as narcissistic supply ( positive or negative )
5. In addition, there is a bitter jealousy there on the part of the narcissist, of the normal persons ability to form real emotional bonds with other people and s/he is not above wanting to destroy those bonds to other people, isolating the victim or wanting to even destroy the victims ability to form those bonds.
If a perosn forms a strong emotional bond to a narcissist, they are in a position to not only get very seriously hurt in the present "relationship", but also their ability to form emotional bonds in future could get hurt and damaged.
If a perosn forms a strong emotional bond to a narcissist, they are in a position to not only get very seriously hurt in the present "relationship", but also their ability to form emotional bonds in future could get hurt and damaged.
In this song, the singer is objecting to the WAY in which he was discarded.
it's the way that you're leaving,
It's like we never knew each other at all,
She is able to discard him, as if they never even knew each other at all.
He is focussing on that.
He is not getting distracted or lost in obsessing over what he may have done wrong:
it may be my fault,
I gave you too many reasons,
He wants a real, lasting, two way bond and wants to stay in a lasting relationship with one person and care for one person I'm playing for keeps.
He is shocked that this kind of a bond is not there, when he thought that it was:
being alone, when I didn't want to
I thought you'd always be there, I almost believed you,
All this time, I still remember everything you said, oh
There's so much you promised, how could I ever forget.
Narcissists make promises they don't keep. This kind of lying and deceiving is called future faking, or writing cheques you can't cash.
He (as a normal person who feels a strong attachment) simply can't take the pain this kind of discard is causing for him and is stepping out of the abusive cycle for that reason.
He is ending it with her or closing himself up to a hoover, after she has already discarded him, which only makes sense, if he has already experienced or is expecting a hoover.
Listen, you know I love you, but I just can't take this,
You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps,
Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this,
You know I want to, but I'm in too deep.